Mental Health Check

I wish I can get away with pretending I am healthier than I look. Of course, I pretend and get away with it because of my evidently able body that appears functional and as normal as the human body can get. I do that in fear of being misunderstood and the fear of rejection. Nobody wants a person in company to talk about mental health, that shit is “hella depressing, bro” is what I hear when somehow the crowd stumbles upon a conversation about it. I’m tired of pretending and I am tired of fearing rejection. Because in the process, I keep rejecting my voice. I don’t want that to be my journey towards healing and health.
A few hours ago, I was hit by a wave of tremor, palpitations and sweating. I’m sure if you have been on the internet for longer than you remember, you’d know what that’s code for, Anxiety. Calling life a roller-coaster when you have anxiety issues would be an understatement. Roller-coasters can be monitored and easily controlled. You’d know where it is headed. So I’m gonna call it an ugly, annoyingly recurring version of a meteor shower. You’ll never know where it comes from, you’ll never know why. You’ll never know where it’s headed, but you’ll see it all over the sky.
I’ve been fortunate enough to have a family, a handful of friends and a craft that helped me get timely help every time I need it. But the journey is not pretty. I break down, I get help, I heal, I slip and I pick up and put myself together. Its a routine I am used to. Sometimes alone and sometimes with someone next to me. I’ll always be grateful to those who have been there. I’ve never blamed those who weren’t because my health is my responsibility. It took a while to recognise this. It took a while to learn how to help myself. If you’re someone who is searching for an answer like this. The first step you can take is by ASKING FOR HELP. It is okay to be afraid, do it anyway because, to be in control of your mind, you need to open it up to people who can help.